Daniel LaRusso's Gonna Fight!

072906
1240 Hours

My initial reaction to the latest Red Lake Election news last night was the same shock I felt when Daniel-San was able to recover from the leg sweep at the All-Valley tournament and fight Johnny Lawrence. No way!

This is going to get ugly. One thing that I said before was that this was going to drag out for a while. Who knew I could actually be right about something? Well, maybe I wasn’t the only one… but still. Now what? The allegations and evidence of those allegations are very solid. There is a lot of explaining to do. Who’s first?

Those that stood up should be applauded. None of this sounds to be personal, to me anyway (unless there is something that I don’t know, which has happened before due to minding my own business and living in the woods.) But you can’t ignore solid evidence. It’s sad and unfortunate that it came to this, but the cat is out of the bag now. I wish everybody good luck with that.

Check out my team at the tourney Wednesday. They all played so hard that day, I couldn’t be more proud. So hard, some didn’t want to come out even though they were hurt, hot, exhausted, sun burned and near dehydration. I have never seen so many kids work so hard the past few days.

But anyway, yesterday I had “Job Interview #5.” Though I was hired this week at another job, I have to uphold my obligation as a job seeker to show up for these things so I can complain about not getting hired while being qualified. You know, just to “Stick it to the man.” Or, what would be considered “Sticking it to the man?”

I found this yesterday while getting only famous people on my friend list for MySpace:

_.....____________________, ,
...../ `---___________----_____] = = = = = D
...../_==o;;;;;;;;_______.:/
.....), ---.(_(__) /
....// (..) ), ----"
...//___//
..//___//
.//___//

Why only famous people on my friend list? I don’t know, just boredom I guess.

While still waiting to get the news of my failed attempt to start my own business by way of my small business loan idea getting turned down only to see someone else steal my idea later on down the road, my ideas have come to a halt until then.

I don’t know why I’m sounding like “Debbie Downer.” I have nothing to complain about. Maybe I’m just like Prince’s mother, “… she’s never satisfied.” Where else you gonna find a blogger quoting Prince?! What?!

Right On, Chuckster!

072706
0704 Hours

We need more people like Charles Barkley. What he said in this article can be said for Red Lakers. We have a lot of obstacles to overcome to get to where “White America” is. Instead of me reciting it word for word, read the damned thing for yourself since you’re not working like you’re supposed to be anyway. Slacker.

Now should we expect a flurry of confessions from all of the boybands of the ‘90s? Or does he mean “gay” as in lame? Just wondering.

I’m putting an application in at “Smart Skate,” ASAP. Is it still called “Smart Skate?” I haven’t been there since New Year’s 1990 as a freshman in high school.

While up at 5am because I had to wash clothes this morning due to my vicious tanning session yesterday at the Comp Health Youth Softball Tourney (where my little Wolf Pack team took 3rd after 7 hours of games… I’m so proud) and watching videos to pass the time, I think Kelly Clarkson digs me. Look at the way she’s looking at me in the video. Don’t you think?

Speaking of yesterday’s tourney, after that marathon of coaching games, I had to go and play right after in Redby, where we lost a tough one, 23-22. I have to seriously consider retiring from coaching. I’m getting too old for the stress.

Embrace Me Workforce... I SAID EMBRACE ME!

072406
1142 Hours

The never ending search for employment might in fact end. Though I wasn’t “searching” as hard as a “college graduate” (I’m doing the whole “quote-unquote” thing to complete the smart looking “effect” to make it look like I know what I’m “talking about”… now I can’t quit!) should’ve been, but then again, I rarely got an “A” (there I go again) for effort in anything. So now I get to put “Independent Contractor” on the occupation line on other applications, if I indeed want to bother with more rejections and it gets approved by the powers that be. It also sounds a lot better than “Slacker.” It sounds like I would build stuff. Sadly, the only thing I will build is… I’m not sure. This is something I will do until they ask me to quit coming in. I just hope I don’t end up like “Milton” in “Office Space.”

Apparently my words of the unintelligent nature took me down this road of what the working class call, uh, “work.” My words are getting out to the public. I am infecting the blogworld with my mindless dribble. There is no stopping me now! Okay, maybe there is.

Now what?

But for those of you that do not understand the title of this blog, I present to you, Mr. Matt Foley.

After once again browsing MySpace to appeal to a larger audience, it appears that my lack of friends is a gauge of how uncool I am. Most people are in the hundreds if not thousands while I’m at 2. Yep, it’s only me, Dust and Tom. But this is by choice of course. I’m not here to be cool, because I’m about as cool as a cup of urine after a UA. So those of you that I have not added, it’s nothing personal. I’m just not a very friendly guy. I’ve turned old and bitter in my later years. Actually, that’s not true. I’ve come to embrace all of God’s creatures. Okay, that’s a lie too. I’m just here to babble, man.

By the way, am I the only one who posts the same writings on “Blogger” and “MySpace?” I had another blog somewhere, but I forgot all about it until now. I’m so lazy.

The Magic Post #204

072106
2350 Hours

What does the future have in store for me? It seems, in my 30 years, I have done less with so much that it’s shameful. But that’s just me thinking the way I do to keep myself in check.

I don't know why I started out with that. It seemed like it would've took off. Guess not.

But looking out at the weekend, it seems Red Lakers are doing what Red Lakers do. How do I know? Well, I used to do the same thing; go to the store, load up on munchies for the kids, go pick up the babysitter and head for a night out without a care in the world. The beer flowed like the rivers of ancient Babylon. Most of the time, there were regrets. Now that I look back, I wasn’t as cute or tough or smart as I thought as I when I was under the influence. It’s like a fantasy world for adults, reliving past glories and taking credit for things that had nothing to do with them. It usually ends up with doing stupid stuff that they can never take back that they wish they could. That’s how I remember those days. And I didn’t even mention the hang-overs! But it was time for me to grow up. And here I am, though not fully mentally grown up yet. I’m on my way though… I hope.

Lately, there hasn’t really been much time to hang out with the bros. It’s not like we avoid each other (or maybe they're all avoiding me… wouldn’t be the first time [sigh]), it’s just that we’re all fathers now and have adult things to worry about like bills and jobs (some of us have to find one… like me [more on that in a minute] and others have to worry about keeping one.) But when we do get together, the conversations have movie or sitcom written all over them. One time me and my buddy were talking about the new hardcore drugs and how they could keep a bro awake for days at a time. We thought, “Why would you want to stay awake for days at a time? Sleeping is the best thing ever!” I mean, I cherish every second of sleep I can get, even though I recently eliminated the whole midday nap and traded it in for sleeping until noon so as to not look like a lazy brute to potential job recruiters. Okay, maybe I exaggerated on the conversations having movie or sitcom written all over them. Sue me!

Speaking of employment, I might have a yob (or is it pronounced JOB with a hard “J”). It was offered today and I might start next week. Working with the youth looked like it had passed me by when I wasn’t hired for the Prevention Specialist, so it should be fun. It looks like the bloggin’ will come to a slight halt starting next week and I’m sure it will crush my 3 loyal readers (I think it was up to 5 at one point).

Speaking of employment Vol. II, I put in 2 more applications in today, bringing the total apps put in so far to an even snowman; 8. I’ve been turned down 4 times, one interview next Friday, 1 sometime soon and 2 more on the horizon. Plus, my loan application should be getting turned down by early August, which would actually make that last plus a negative. Whatever, bro. At least I’m still good-looking! Oh, I’m not? Never mind then.

Zombie

072106
0121 Hours

Once again, sleep is eluding me. A couple of years ago I was like this, unable to sleep, tossing and turning all night. But back then, nothing was going for me. I was having trouble with alcohol, losing family members, struggling with summer school and my finances. It seemed like nothing could go right. Being from Red Lake, I know many can relate to being knocked down and not sure if getting back up would be worth the effort. It was tough. So the next day, I was so sick of feeling lost and worthless, I told myself I would go out and find a job and not come home until I did. Being that I had no political pull whatsoever (I still don’t), it was useless to beg. But I did go see the Treasurer and he pointed me in the right direction which turned out to be an opportunity at Red Lake Gaming Enterprises as a Compliance Specialist. But after awhile of self reflection, and almost 2 years, that’s not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I learned a lot over there. Enough to know to go do something I could enjoy every day. So here I am, 13 pounds lighter (after gaining about 20 after I quit drinking in June of ’05), clear conscience and the joy of spending every minute of every day with my family, which I wasn’t doing with school, work and partying. Boozers are losers, man!

So now what do I do? I’m a full-time father. Disciplining my kids like nobody’s business. Now that I think about it, after watching “Madea’s Family Reunion,” I kind of saw my parenting skills in that old lady. I hope nobody else does. That was a pretty good movie. I was surprised. I thought the first one was pretty good too.

So now let me get off that topic to save what little manhood I have left. Speaking of kids, I had quite possibly the most satisfying conversation with my oldest nephew yesterday. He told me that he would never start drinking because of all that he’s seen in his short 13 years. I was surprised (and relieved) to hear that. And so proud. He’s a smart young man. I once told him that he has to always remember that he’s going to be looked up to for the rest of his life because he’s the oldest of my mom’s grandkids. I don’t know if he remembers that, but I remember when I told him. One thing about him though, I would force him to play baseball. I don’t want to see that talent being wasted playing men’s softball for the rest of his life. Playing men’s softball, bad habits are picked up off the field. So I’ll do what I can.

Come to think of it, what would I do if I were to have a boy? After three girls, it would be quite a change. Would I force him to be a suffering Cubs fan? Of course I would. I need someone to share my misery with. And I would put a ball and glove in his crib the first day he came home. Or something like that.

Tito, get me some tissue.

I'm getting soft in my old age.

Suck on that!

Update 072006

072006
1137 Hours

First of all, let me start by saying I was misquoted in today’s edition of the Minneapolis Star Tribune. What I did say was “I’m living the “Rez Life” everyday and it’s hard to be optimistic seeing what I do on a daily basis,” and I went on about how it was hard seeing people I looked up to growing up struggling with drugs and alcohol. But it’s cool, man. You do your thing, Dalton Walker. You make Red Lake proud.

And second of all, congratulations to our Chairman for pulling it off on his re-election. Good job, buddy. It wasn’t a landslide like the first round but a win’s a win. Judy Roy had quite a run, 20-4 to be exact. In sports, that would have done it. I mean, how could it not? But it’s all over now and hopefully it will all change for the better. I don’t know how close I was predicting the outcome (not close at all, really), but I might have got the margin of victory in the chairman race (if you ignore who I picked to win.) Now I hope this new council will restore balance in the galaxy… or tribe. Whatever helps us.

I think that’s all I have for now. I have a business loan application to turn in today and… that’s about it since I’m probably not going to get hired around here any time soon. Yup, you heard that right. I’m going into business for myself. I’m going to be a mogul someday... if I get approved for that loan. It’s the only thing holding me back. I don’t see why I should get turned down, they say they want us to start our own business and thrive on our own and stuff. But we’ll see. Indeed we’ll see.

And we got be last night, 12-11. We suck.

I’m hungry.

Vote or Die... I Think They're Serious

071906
1649 Hours

“Election Day-Part Niizh” is upon us. Did you go and vote yet? Me either… yet. I will though. My voice will be heard to ensure that the future of our Tribe is on the path to righteousness, spiritual purity and—okay, I ran out of big political words… which is why I retired from the political game... that and only 23 votes didn't help either.

With the day, voting in today’s election isn’t at the top of my to-do list. It ranks up there but it won’t surpass my game this evening at the Art Thunder Memorial Park at 9pm (come watch an excellent display of unfundementals… bring a notepad ‘cause we’re going to f*** up our chances at victory like nobody’s business). Hopefully we can end our first 2 game losing streak of the season. Come to think of it, why does my softball game rank above the election? “Gee, Mr. Spiccoli… I don’t know,” is what Mr. Hand once told a promising student at Rigdemont High so many years ago. Either way, both candidates bring a lot to the table. The incumbent is smart, ambitious and has 2 years of experience under his belt, while the challenger has the same first two qualities; but she has a lot more experience… I mean too much to be ignored. But then again, it might be time for a change, let the next generation take over… much like I thought with my run at Little Rock. What the hell do I know? But my vote is going to Judy Roy.

My prediction?

Floyd “Buck” Jourdain – 2,421 votes
Judy Roy - 2,487 votes

William “Billy” Greene – 309 votes
Harlan Beaulieu - 125 votes

I don’t even know where those numbers came from. They’re just off the top of my big fat bald head. Are those even an accurate number of eligible voters? Who cares, man! It’s all wrong! Woohoo!!!

Good luck and sh!t to all, except Harlan Beaulieu. Nah, I’m just kidding, Harlan. No I’m not.

Oh yea, I was interviewed by Dalton Walker today at the store so watch for the story in tomorrow’s Star Tribune or late tonight at www.startribune.com.

Easy Like Tuesday Morning

071806
0242 Hours

Ah, so we meet again at a late hour. It seems that I can only think at times like this. Well, that’s a lie. It’s the only time when I can get some quiet time with my kids running around the ranch all day. Speaking of kids, I don’t know why kids like coming over here. Every time I see some nieces or nephews, I always get, “Can I come over?” So there’s my reason for being such a late writer.

But I have found out what the plan is for one LJR. I’m going into biz for myself. It’s a creative outlet for me along with getting paid on the side. What is it, you ask? Well, I’m not telling until it’s in the bag. It might, as my nephews say, “Get jacked.” Tomorrow I’m going to take the Treasurer up on his offer on his open door policy and try to get some guidance since the other council members are walking on eggshells right about now. So that will be “… To be continued.”

As for other crap of the day… we practiced for the first time since we were spared the weather of hell. Which reminds me, the youth team has a game in Ponemah today (7/18/06) at 6:30pm. So come on out and cheer the future athletes of the Red Lake Nation! If you dare ta!

As I was re-reading my previous posts, I realized that I was pretty hard on a candidate by questioning his place of residence (has anybody done that yet?) and for that, I don’t apologize. Am I purposely being mean? Of course not. I’m just having a little fun at their expense. When you get put in the public eye, you’re going to get that, right? Actually, I don’t know. I’ve never really been in the public eye before. But anyway, I just thought it was funny that Little Rock finally got some ink in the “OjibNews” for once. Speaking of which, Why do we even need a representative? We don’t have a post office. We don’t get to consider ourselves from “Little Rock, MN.” Our fields, basketball courts and “playground” get the attention of a red-headed stepchild. Maybe that’s just me who thinks that. I know I took my team away from that field because of the graffiti and broken up dugouts so they wouldn’t get hurt. Plus, last year there was a scuffle between a team and someone that lives over there. So until that place gets cleaned up, I’ll keep going to the RL fields… at least they have water over there. I would like to see someone do what Toady Thunder does with the field in Redby. Build a food stand and have a league or something. Maybe that’s what I’ll do if that idea doesn’t “Get “Jacked.”

Where's "Hay Bales" From?

071606
1601 Hours

What is a fat guy to do with the weather being the way it is? It’s suffocating out there! While on my way to Bemidjiigamaag on Friday, I was listening to the radio, the free kind, and the guy on there gave the forecast for the weekend and had me excited when he said, “It looks like a nice weekend,” and then he lost me with, “with the temperatures around the upper 90s.” What?! Who considers that nice weather? Satan? Good lord. But we went to the “Cut-off” yesterday so I could try and tan my, as my wife calls them, “other pair of socks.” Yeah, I have white feet, so what?! But all I did was get hot feet. At least I added another shade to the guns though. Why do they call it the “Cut-off?”

As for today, I was sitting watching the Twins, which I rarely do because I’m stupid and pledge my undying devotion to the Cubs in hopes that someday it will all work out (23 years later, I’m still waiting)… wait, where was I? Oh, yeah… the Twins… I was thinking about how it would suck to be the current boyfriend of one of Joe Mauer’s ex-girlfriends. I mean, where the hell can you take her? Everywhere you go in the state is Joe Mauer, the homegrown All-Star catcher for the state’s pro baseball team. How can you compete with that? Just wondering.

As for the remainder of my last 74 years of life, I plan on doing stuff. Right now, I’m working on 3 different stories at the same time. Why 3 stories at the same time? Because I’m one of those scatter brains that refuses to get tested for ADHD so I can blame my inadequacies on the untreated ADHD. It’s all in the plan, baby. But once I started on the first story, I had another idea for a story, so I started on that. Then when that one got going, I had another idea, so I started in on the third one. As of right now, the first story has a page and half, the second has three and a half and the last story has two pages. I have 3 different types of stories, a drama, a comedy, and a horror/slasher, and I’m actually motivated about all of them.

What brought on this bout of motivation? The lack of jobs available for one. A few posts ago I did a sample of the jobs available to the members of Red Lake and employment didn’t look too promising after that, even with my education. So I’m out making my own way. As for how I’ll get paid for it, that has yet to be determined. As of right now, I’m looking for funding for movie equipment. Wait, this sounds like a lot of work. Plus how cool is going to be to put "Producer" in the occupation blank?

They called him “Hay Bales.” Speaking of which, shouldn’t someone protest his place of residency? If I finished 3rd, I would. But unfortunately, I finished 8th. Stupid lack of support!!!

Update 071606

071606
0347 Hours

These late nights of motivation must have the blogging public thinking that I’m fresh off a stint at the “Regal Beagle.” I assure you I’m not. And for those of you that don’t know what the “Regal Beagle” is, you have made me feel my age. Google it. That’s old school.

I say nights because, except last night, I’ve been up writing stuff. Nothing in particular, just stuff to keep me busy. But while doing so, it has me excited about the prospect of doing this for a living. With all job prospects slowly falling off the table like the silverware off of the dinner tables of the Titanic as it was going down, I find myself looking to my small talents for employment. How am I going to make this a reality? I have no idea. But it’s a start I guess. My laziness and inability to stay focused for more than a few hours has me leaning toward short stories, maybe graphic novels if I can get the wife to dust off her artistic abilities.

Another vision I have is movies. As to how I’m going to do that, I can not share. It’s top secret. So as soon as I can gather up some better equipment, the world will see itself through the eyes of the fat lazy kid! Or something like that. I suppose I could use a better blurb for my first feature film.

Election Day is 3 days away! Doesn’t it feel like the two toughest kids in school are going to be getting it on in the hallway after 3rd hour? (That’s what we used to call class times back in the 90s.) It’s getting down to the bloomers now. The incumbent and the challenger have been fairly quiet. The only interesting news is coming from “The Ojibwe News” with letters coming from supporters of the challenger only. Being that it’s Mr. Lawrence’s paper, he can do what he wants. What would have done me some good was to have a debate. I mean, there is only so much you can believe from the papers and gossip. Since neither candidate came to visit me, I can only go by what was offered in the literature and by what I’ve seen. And what I’ve seen is that Judy Roy has more to offer with her experience, history as a public servant and maybe a few less distractions than the incumbent. Like I said earlier, I am voting for Judy Roy… not that anybody cares.

As for others I’ll be putting my confidence in:

Secretary: Jody Beaulieu

Little Rock: Despite Harlan Beaulieu’s last second effort to dazzle the voting public with big words in his response to the Spaulding guy (and waaaaaaaay later I might add… did he just hear about that story? They don’t have Pioneer delivery or internet access on his farm?), I’m going with William Greene. But speaking of farms (“Hay Bales”… that was a good one in the “OjibNews”), I heard about Mr. Beaulieu living somewhere off the REZ earlier too. Like I’ve said earlier, I think we should start all over with this fancy election stuff. And yes, despite my earlier declaration, I am a little bitter. WHO’S WITH ME?!?!?!

P.S. And no, I didn’t get e-mails and comments like the big sites get, so that’s why none were posted.

Psych!

071206
2315 Hours

“I’m back.”—Michael Jordan’s letter to David Stern in 1995

Yeah, I retired as a blogger, but now I’m back.

(By the way, that's old school lingo in the title of this post. And yes, I am a nerd.)

With another couple of jobs not being worked by me, it is time to find something that I like to do. What is that? I have no idea. I like to play softball, eat hot wings, watch TV… anybody have anything like that for a bro to do for a living? I didn’t think so.

Well, with only 2 more openings to look at, it seems that the Red Lake Nation doesn’t need educated members to help with anything. It looks like the office stuff isn’t going to work out for me like it did at Gaming. Even though the education says otherwise, RL doesn’t think I’m ready. Fine, I say. Fine. In the words of Journey, I say to you, the blogging public, “So now I coooooooome to you… with ohhhhhhpen arms…” Where else you gonna get a blogger quoting Journey? I have way too much time on my hands.

Though I could go on and on about me not getting hired… I won’t. It’s been done over and over again. I will just move on to something else I would like to do. Again, I have no idea what that is.
My ideal job would be something like Whitney Matheson or Bill Simmons, who write about stuff people are interested in. They are my idols so far. As my 5 loyal readers may attest to, I am the “Alco” to their “Walmart”… or something like that.

So from now on, there will be nothing but writing and writing from me until my hand turns into a claw that I almost got during finals of my “People and the Environment” class this past spring. Speaking of that class, I was able to turn my 62% up to a 71% that last month. It’s not much to be proud of, but it’s a start.

As for the last post, someone had a Coke before bedtime and was on a caffeine/sugar high until 5am.

Now that the election is getting closer and closer, I will officially end my election challenge. Nobody showed up. Hey man, I offered. Speaking of which, on my way to Redby, I noticed a few of Judy Roy’s signs had been spray painted over. It just goes to show the lack of respect that people have for one another around here. Though that had nothing to do with who I’m going to vote for, I have made a decision; my vote is going to Judy Roy. Don’t get me wrong, I think Buck is a good guy. I just think that Mrs. Roy would be a better candidate to lead us to where we need to be. And let it be known, Lydell Jon Roberts has made his vote, uh... known. Some might say, “He has nothing to lose now, he didn’t get the jobs he put in for.” But I still have 2 more jobs I put in for and I’m waiting on the interview date. So suck on that!

Any questions? I’m taking questions all day via e-mail or the comment section (Just remember; keep it clean. This is a site for all ages.) Let me have ‘em! If I get any, I’ll post them. My idols do it, why can’t I?

Oh yeah, I requested a daytime show on Red Lake Radio! Now I just have to wait for a reply from the little fella.

That will be all!

By the way; you diggin' the Audioslave? Are ya? Huh? Are ya?

The Demise

071206
0239 Hours

Gawdam!!! I was so close to retiring as a blogger forever, you have no idea. I should though. It is time to grow up and be an adult that doesn’t sit in front of the computer for a few hours a day doing nothing in particular. Being that it looks like I’m ready to take over the world now that I have 10 weeks of rest, the first step would be to… actually, I don’t know what the first step would be. For those of you that have a firm grasp on the world; what’s a bro’s first step to be among you? Though I hate to, I mean, I’m 13 pounds lighter since I quit work and graduated college. Why would I put myself back into the stressful world of regular-adult living. Coaching and playing softball, taking afternoon naps, hanging out with my kids have been the most fulfilling things that I have ever done up to this point of my adult life. I’ll think of something.

Once again, I have strolled through the pages of MYSPACE for sheer entertainment. I don’t know why, I have no idea what most of the pages say with all of the snazz backgrounds and music. Being that I don’t partake in the fancy “networking” because I’m as cool as a cup of coffee, I find it interesting to read some of the blogs when they actually take the time to post one. As for the others with pages… that is neither here nor there. It’s not just MYSPACE that have a lot of my fellow RLers, there are quite a few other online journal sites that keep the reading interesting, though I will not elaborate. My point being is… uh… um… my point is that there are quite a few decent story tellers around here. I’m telling you, RL should get into the entertainment business! We’re going to miss out! I’m telling you.

Maybe it’s the booze-hound in my head that’s 54 weeks dead, maybe it’s my surroundings, maybe it’s my not wanting to empathize with those that have fallen hard. One thing is for sure though… I think too damn much when I’m not drinking! Maybe it is time to retire from blogging.

Signing off…

Pirate Rupert the Pink (if I were indeed a pirate)

Shifty Jackie Santoro (if I were one of T’s cappos)

Dank Ass Slim Jimma (if I were one of Snoop’s LBC bros)

The Words of Champ Kind

070706
1526 Hours

While waiting an excruciating amount of time for that last post to finish, it occurred to me that I have a butt-load of typos in this blog. Since my ego doesn’t allow me to proof read, it looks like I could use an editor. Any volunteers?

I know what you’re thinking. Just because I don’t know who I’m going to vote for for chairman doesn’t mean I’m holding out on voicing my opinion due to repercussions. I’m an important member of the Red Lake community, right? Well, maybe not. Will or has this blog effected my ability to get hired in this town? Of course not. Why should it. Our sovereignty has nothing against free speech, does it? I don’t even know what that question means, just trying to sound smart.

One thing that I would do if I were in the Floyd “Buck” Jourdain campaign is take a slogan from Champ Kind and put a political spin on it. My sign would read, “It’s ChairMAN, not ChairLADY… and that’s a scientific fact!” since they’re going with movie themes. But that’s just me.

As you may or may not know, I’ve been alcohol-free for the past 54 weeks and jobless for the past 10 and I have enjoyed every single minute of it. But if and when I do get a job, the blogging will be put on the backburner because I’ve only been able to do this because of the amount of free time I have. These words are my own, they’re not meant to hurt anybody’s feelings, but if they do, tough. Oh, and I apologize. Some may think that I’m using this as a political strategy for the next election in 2008. Well, I assure you that I’m not. I should be out of here by then.

During these past few weeks of reflection it has occurred to me that I might have to give up the dream of being able to write for a living because, obviously, it won’t pay the bills. And Bill Lawrence hasn’t offered me a job. It’s kind of hard to chase childhood dreams when you have a house full of kids of your own that need to be fed, clothed, disciplined and all of that other parental stuff. I would’ve loved to try the Red Lake Radio deal but the last I heard from that was being that I was a candidate for an elected office; it wouldn’t be fair to other candidates. So I’m still waiting to hear on that.

But as for now, it will all be writing and expressing the views of a fat guy until I get a real job… or until someone wants to pay me to write. But I need and editor!

The Jonny R. Guide to Voting

070706
1402 Hours

Another interview is in the books. With every passing interview, the confidence level sinks a little more. If these don’t work out… then what? We’ll cross that bridge when we get there I suppose. But for now, lets just keep rockin’ and rollin’! Woo!!!

With Election Day getting closer and closer and no candidates knocking on my door, I have come to the conclusion that my vote doesn’t matter. They don’t care if I vote for them or not. With that being said, let me introduce “The First Annual Jonny R. Election Thing.” As to what that is… I don’t know. Lets just break down the races; one by one.

Ponemah District: Clifford Hardy (incumbent) vs. Gary Nelson

Like the rest of the candidates, I don’t know either of them, though I used to bowl in the same league as Mr. Hardy back when I was a drunk. But I say, give someone else a chance. Maybe Mr. Nelson will be someone who will stand out among the rest of the council members. We need someone who will get in there and make some noise.

If I were to have a vote in the Ponemah district: Gary Nelson.

Redby District: Julius Thunder (incumbent) vs. Tom Westbrook

This is a close one. I’m glad I don’t live in Redby and have to vote. Too close for me, man. Redby is in a good spot to be able to choose from these two men.

Red Lake District: Donald Desjarlait (incumbent) vs. Lee Lussier, Jr.

I’m glad I don’t live in the Red Lake and have to vote for this one either, but for different reasons. I don’t know either of them personally, but… I don’t know. I guess we all have our pasts. It looks like everybody gets to have theirs forgotten. Good luck with that, Red Lake district voters.

Little Rock District: William Greene (incumbent) vs. Harlan Beaulieu

Well I’ll be… this is where I would’ve been had it not been for the lack of support (23 motherf*****’ votes! 23!) Being that I have slowly come to grasp the concept of my political demise at the hands of these two gentlemen (and 5 other candidates ahead of me), it is my duty as a citizen of the smallest district on the Red Lake Reservation to vote. When one votes, one can only go by the character of a candidate if he does not know the candidate, or if those candidates do not accept a challenge by a voting citizen of the Red Lake Nation. Since one of the candidates went out of his way to humiliate a voter by laughing in her face when she questioned a vacated council seat back in 2001, I must vote for the other, who stood up for a woman who was wronged at her job, the only one to stand up to her. The chairman didn’t, the secretary didn’t, the treasurer didn’t, the only representative that was at that May Tribal Council meeting to stand up for her (who along with myself, helped get back what was taken from her) is the one getting my vote. We need council members that dare to go against the grain if they feel it’s necessary. They are in there to represent us, and that’s what he did.

My vote for Little Rock: William Greene.

Secretary: “Jody” Beaulieu vs. Don Cook, Sr.

I don’t even have a doubt in my mind.

My vote for Secretary: “Jody” Beaulieu

Chairman: Floyd “Buck” Jourdain (incumbent) vs. Judy Roy

Tie. I’m still waiting for some convincing. Who wants my vote? Come get it. Help me out. I don’t know which way to go.

By the way, I don’t know if I said this before; but I would’ve been an awesome council member!

Jon Returns

070606
1402 Hours

Did you enjoy the birthday of THEIR nation? The US is 230-years-old. I tell ya, it doesn’t look a day over 210. Just remember while you were out setting off fireworks that this country was built by a bunch of slave-owners that didn’t want to pay their taxes! I got that from “Dazed and Confused.” Who says TV rots your brain?

Also, the Red Lake Nation has been independent (kinda) for 117 years. Yeah, they can say we get handouts, but this was owed to us, man! Kill most of our people, turn us into you, and create your fancy religion so you can ask God for forgiveness for all that you’ve done to the original people! Curse you to heck, man! Curse you all to heck! But thank you for educating us so we can speak your language thus allowing me to vent and turn my words into verbal bows and arrows via Microsoft Word. And TV.

Okay, with that out of the way, let’s see what’s out in the world today.

It looks like we all survived the asteroid fly-by.

Is it just me, or are parades degrading? We all stand on the street to await stuff being thrown on the ground in our direction so we can eat it later. Maybe it's just me.

I saw “Superman Returns” last night and was very impressed by it all. Good deal. It started out with us showing up late, thus me holding in the soda I just guzzled down fighting back against the hottest wings known to mankind via the chicken torturers at “KFC.” So while awaiting the beginning of the flick to see if the opening credits would include vital scenes, I couldn’t hold the soda back much longer. I made an important decision to hold it for 154 minutes. Then the opening credits came, much to my delight, without vital plot points. So I was off to the bathroom, faster than a speeding bullet… and wouldn’t you know it, the “Superman” music was playing while I was hurrying to the bathroom. I felt like opening up my shirt to reveal a scarlet “S” and taking my glasses off while going down the ramp of the theater. That made it the best movie ever. Plus it was a good movie anyway. I suggest it to all.

Slippin'

070306
1424 Hours

I’ve started this post over and over, not sure what to write. It started out with the usual nothing in particular, deleted it, then turned into the memoirs of a lazy kid, deleted it and the beginning of my first ever rap song and it went a little something like this…

Ungh… alright, listen… ungh…

And then I drew a blank. It’s a start I guess.

But maybe rappin’ it up isn’t going to work out for me. I shall leave that to the lyrically gifted.

Speaking of rap, Lil’ Kim is out of prison! Is it me, or is she not very good looking like a star should be?

Speaking of rap Vol. II, has anyone seen Nelly? What about 50 Cent? Was “Get Rich or Die Tryin” that bad of a movie? I know I didn’t bother to see it. Maybe it was.

I had a discussion last night with the wife and I declared that rap will go out like disco in about 14 months. Actually, I just threw the 14 months in there just now. I predicted the fall of boy bands because it just got too ridiculous, much like most of the rappers now. I blame Master P and his “Make ‘em say, unghhhhhh… unghhhh… nah nah nah naaaaah!” So point your anger at Percy Miller, not me. His name is Percy.

What’s on my “ipod” you ask? Well, I have Fort Minor’s “The Rising Tied” (only a couple of good songs, nothing really to brag about and they spelled “Tide” wrong… oh, that was deliberate?), Kanye West’s “Late Registration” (he thinks he’s so bad-ass, he rhymes to elevator music… the bad-ass label can now be taken from Mr. West,) Blink 182’s “Greatest Hits” (all of the favorite’s are there, good stuff), Johnny Cash’s “The Legend of Johnny Cash” (enough said) and Angels and Airwaves “We Don’t Need to Whisper” (sounds like all of the Blink 182 songs Tom Delong sang, inspirational, no complaints), plus the usual B.I.G. “Juicy” and “Goin’ Back to Cali” and Jay-Z’s “Dirt off Your Shoulder.”

It took me 86 minutes to write nothing! I’m slipping.

Being a Faazhaa

070206
2027 Hours

As the years keep on flying by, it has come to my attention that I may not be prepared for what lies ahead of me. Fatherhood, husband(ness?), manhood and the rest of the morsels of life that have many tricks hiding behind the mask of eternal happiness. (I don’t even know what most of that means, it just came out of nowhere.)

While sitting in my office going through the USA Today and last month’s Maxim, it had me thinking about what I can and can’t do as a father these days. And to be quite honest, I’m afraid of what my kids are going to go through while growing up. Like most parents, I want to shield them from all of the horrible things that happen on a daily business. But there are days when they ask me what the war in Iraq is about. How do I answer a question like that? And what the hell is an 8-year-old doing asking me about the war in Iraq?! I don’t remember what I said, but it was about freeing people from a bad president or something like that.

Another thing is that I have to get rid of all of my periodicals. Maxim has man stuff in it. The articles aren’t for kids, especially young girls. So I have to find a new way of killing time on the toilet—I mean, hanging out in my office! I also remember a Rolling Stone had a checklist of how to make crystal meth and shots of R. Kelly’s romp with a lady MUCH younger than him, if you know what I mean.

I don’t know what is on the horizon for me as a father and my kids growing up, but it’s a scary thought. The internet is the best/worst thing ever created. It shows kids the world, regardless of the content. It’s there for the world to see, regardless of age. When I think of when I grew up, there were a lot of things that I shouldn’t have seen. But now, it’s just unbelievable. And how awful is “San Andreas?” Yet I was just able to pull myself away.

How do I do this parenting stuff? Does anyone know? How much longer can we shelter their innocent eyes from all the world has to offer?

I’m scared. Who needs a drink? Speaking of which, I’m starting to get bored with talking about my alcohol-free life. That must be good, right? 373 days of bliss. I figure I have about another 70 years of life left in me and the alcohol will be long forgotten by the time I sell all of my sports teams I’m going to buy and retire to Big Stone when I’m 100.

“Entourage” in 15 minutes!!!

The Babbler

070206
1459 Hours

The holiday weekend can't stop me! I'm UNholdDOWNable! (my new word for the month of July... is that even a word? It is now.) Maybe that could be my rap name or my entourage. I just made that up! Woo!

But anyway, while cruisin' RLNN.com I once again took a trip to a couple of the RL musicians' MYSPACE sites and was once again impressed with the creativity displayed. The visual thing from Emcee Edge was pretty cool. When I joke that I want to rap, that's all it is. I know I don't have what it takes... maybe an Andy Milonakis type of rap thing, but just for fun. These guys are very talented and they deserve all of the recognition they get. Nicely done.

But with all of my verbal shenanigans, I'm probably hurting any credibility that could come my way by just going on and on about nothing in particular. But who cares? It's fun to write (type) and write (type) anything I want. Nobody pays attention to me anyway. I figure I'm responsible for about 200 of my blog visits, so that 1,400+ is bloated with 14.3% of those coming from me checking the count... the male ego is a delicate creature. But then again, 1,200 visitors is a lot too.

Speaking of shenanigans, since the Little Rock Candidates forum in May, I've been waiting to use the word, "shenanigans" because of Francis "Chunky" Brun, who used it in one of his responses. If there had been another forum or had I been able to continue on to the next round of the election process, you could bet your sweet ass I would've used shenanigans over and over and over.

And speaking of Mr. Brun, like I earlier noticed, his credentials were impressive. I mean, he had the tools of being an effective leader of the Red Lake Nation. Yeah, he is an old school type of guy (and I mean old school, when men were men and worked in the woods and built stuff), but if you look back to the '50s and '60s, there weren't the problems that we have today. Everybody respected everybody. There weren't the dependencies we have today. Could we have gone back to those days? Probably not. But with his knowledge and experience, we could have been set in that direction. Now that's not saying the 2 finalists (not to make this sound like a talent competition now) aren't capable of that, it's that his record was very impressive. Too impressive to be ignored like it was.

The Ramble

What did I sign in for today? Oh, that's right! I was going to kick out some fresh rhymes like Andy Milonakis. But, since the Word is down, I've lost my confidence.

On to other topics.

While reading the Ojibwe News today, it made a compelling argument as to why I should vote for Judy Roy. On the other hand, the youthful enthusiasm of the current chairman shouldn't be overlooked either. Hmm... I still don't know which way I'm going to go. But in that current edition of the OjibNews, it has a ridiculous piece about "The Bad Guys Guide to Running for Chairman," or something stupid like that. The more I read of Mr. Lawrence's paper, the less respect I have for it. But if you can control the media, you are much stronger than I. The OjibNews is becoming the "The Star" or "Enquirer" to me now. There isn't much to believe, but the stories are so ridiculous, they're entertaining. I want to write for a newspaper! Any openings Mr. Lawrence? I am a voice of "Gen X.5" and we will not be ignored any longer! Or something cool and rebellious like that.

Nobody has come to my door as of yet. Not one single candidate has stepped up and accepted my invitation to tell me why us voters should vote for them. All candidates are welcome, regardless of district. I'm starting to feel unimportant.