Ungaah! You Are!

"This is how we do it... it's Friday night... and I feel alright" Quick! Who sings that? That's old school! Whoever gets that one right receives a big, sloppy open mouth smooch from The Jon (only if you're a smokin' hot chick ... and at least 18 years old though... gotta keep it legal, naw mean). Hoh I'm crazy! But anyways... not much happening with me, man. Just the usual. Confusion, uncertainty, and other small, insignificant matters. Oh yeah, I was supposed to be doing my book on here. I almost forgot about that. The story of a struggling rez boy who overcomes the diffuculties his surroundings provides on a daily basis. Ah, what a story, eh? I'll call it... The Book of Jon! Would anyone be interested in that or what? If not... tough! I'm gonna share it anyway and you're gonna like it! So, the next post, the journey begins. I'm out for now! Woo!!!

Tryin' To Be All Beans

What to do. What to say. What to believe in. As I sit here contemplating my next maneuver around this thing we call life, I think about last night's events. What a night, huh? Who's with me? Were you there? I know I was. WOO!!! Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Thunder! Awesome wedding dance. I was shakin' it all night. George Jefferson would be proud. That's old school, baby! "Tryin' to be all beans," is my new term for trying to look cute, trying to be easy, trying to find a "snag", if you will. What den?! It was a cool night, saw some people I haven't seen in years. It's good to get out, isn't it? "You're so money you don't even know it!" was the term for the night. Didn't do me any good though. So anyways... you guys wanna make out or what? You know what? Sheeeeeeet, I'm going to take myself on a hot date. I'm going to the movie. I think I'm going to go see Sin City again. Until our paths meet again, good day to you... I SAID GOOD DAY!!!

Not Even!

Woo! It's been 4 days since my last post. I didn't even realize it, but I was so busy getting the college thing done, next semsters schedule, and that's pretty much it, so I guess I wasn't that busy at all. So, nevermind. What's on my mind today you ask? Well, is it just me or does the new Pope look older than the last one? Will I go to hell for asking that or what? Sorry, your Popeness. Just keep on Popin' it up! Anyways, the NBA playoffs are upon us and the Wolves are no where to be seen. Does it have something to do with my boycott of the league? Of course it does. The lesson learned: Don't Cross The Jon! But I think I'm gonna end my boycott today. I think everyone has learned their lesson. Cheese and rice! Nomar is lost for the next few months! What am I gonna do?! He was struggling but still, he's Nomar F'n Garciaparra! Yes, I am still waiting for my Vanessa Carlton picture to be sent to me so I can post it for the blogworld to see. And I'm still convinced she was looking right at me when she was singing. Eye contact, baby! Me and her. Really. I'm serious. No lie. Yup, yup... we have 2 weeks of bowling left and my average has snuck up to 141, which is a big improvement from last year's 119, so I got that going for me. Not much else going on around these parts of the world, the RL Nation is still not back to normal, but it's getting close. I'm going to a wedding dance tonight to sharpen my George Jefferson tonight. So we will see how I feel tomorrow. Damn! I need a beer! Who's comin' with me?! Let's goooo!!!

Mr. TV in the Making

Well, I have applied for the one job that I'm pretty sure I was born to do yesterday; professional TV watcher. Yes, you read that right. Jimmy Kimmel is offering one of his prized TV watching spots, bless his heart. Now if that doesn't have Jonny R.'s name all over it, nothing ever will (besides Vida Guerra or Vanessa Carlton). I'm the man for that job because I don't just sit there and watch just one show (well, just CSI:Miami, Lost, and don't tell anybody, The O.C.), I'm always looking for something that can hold my interest for more than a few minutes. So I just might be heading out west this summer... swimming pools, movie stars (wait, I think I've used that line before). I just can't take my mind off such an opportunity! Everything else in my life is not as set. I sit around this Red Lake Rez and wonder what's going to happen in the future. But, what you gonna do? Hopefully, I'll have enough cash to move by next month sometime. I must be bi-polar or something. One day I'm rambling on about the rez, the next I'm talking about the little things that make me tick, the things that inspire my good side. Whatever, bro! But one thing I do know, I'm on the edge of my seat waiting to find out about the TV watching job! That is so sad, isn't it? What would I enjoy more than anything in the world? I really don't know. Maybe if I write a book. Yeah, that would keep me busy for months at a time. Wait, I've already started about 4 already. So that won't work for me. But, I was reading yesterday that the blogworld is the place for those that don't get promoted after being published or those that don't get published to get a large audience/following. Hmm... maybe that's what I'll do. But who would want to read about what goes on in Red Lake? The life, the frustrations, the sadness brought on by our own people, the stupidity. Holy fffffffffff... I mean, cripes! That does sound like quite a story. Nah, it would be thought of as capitalizing on the tragedy that has rocked the RL Nation. But maybe it wouldn't have to be about that, because all of my writings were started about 6 years ago. Well I'll see what kind of writings I have for such a venture. YEAH, BABY!!!

The End (of college) Is Near

Guess who's back lighter a couple of classes? Yes peeps, I've decided to give up my major in business administration. Accounting is the dirtiest, nasties bee-otch, next to college algebra, in the game of higher education. Now, I'm looking over the fall schedule to see which major would be more appealing to my limited skills. All I know how to do is write (kinda), mingle with people, watch TV and well, I like to party. I'm trying so hard to try and quit drinking, but there's this urge inside of my that I don't want to control. But, whatever, bro. So I have 2 classes left on my schedule and I will get my associate's degree in about a month. So I got that going for me. I honestly never even thought I would last more than 2 years in college. And check me out now, 4 years to get an associates degree! Tommy Boy-2005! I say that because it might take me 7 years to finish up school for my bachelor's ("A lot of people go to school for 7 years," "Yeah, they're called doctors.") That's old school cinema! Plus the added pressure of family, work, no money, bills adding up... it just becomes too much for me sometimes. But I'm managing it somehow. If I decide to walk the aisle with the other COLLEGE GRADUATES, I'm gonna walk up to get my diploma like "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Micheals used to walk to the ring back in the early '90s, cocky as mother... uh, something. Jeez, it's hotter than balls in this library computer lab! Well, that's all I have for the world right now. I gotta go read and write some papers to get the f outta school this year! Woo!!! I'm out!

Where Am I?

"As the cool breeze of a beautiful April afternoon blew threw my 1/4 inch long hair, I had realized that the confusion that I had left behind a few days earlier has made it's way back into my already scrambled mind." Not bad, aye? Yeah, I could write like that for days like, all corny and stuff, but that's not me, man. I'm am the anti-corny guy. Well, I try to be anyway. Anyway, yes I am back to being the confused individual I was last week. Who put me in this state? That's nobody's business but mine. When other people get involved, words get twisted, intentions are changed for better or sometimes worse. I don't let people in, which I've been told before, is my biggest problem. I was supposed to get back to school last week but things come up. Things that could have been avoided, but weren't. Who knows why? Things happen, we live, we learn and all that other juicy stuff. Now, as I set out to roam this world alone, with only a few to look out for, I must turn off all emotional attachments to those other than the 3 most important people in my life. Everyone else is s#!*(another word for excrement) out of luck! Woo! What a load off of my mind. Okay, maybe it's not now, but it will be soon. Every new day has something for me to learn. If I want to take it all as a learning experience is another story. What causes me to feel like this, you ask? Well, I'm not really sure. It could be the environment that I'm in. Nothing to do but drink and get stupid on this rez. I should learn from my past mistakes. But everything is easier said than done I suppose. Jeez, I'm depressing myself! I haven't even made a semi-funny reference. Hmm... what could I say to lighten the mood? Holy... I'm fresh out of humor!!! What's happening to me?! Nothin', bro. I'm cool. I gotta do some research to find something to complain about. I'll be back in jiff!

The Future Mrs. Roberts Vol. II 

Me and Vaness...

Ladies and gentlemen, let's give it up for Vanessa Carlton! Woo!!! *The Jon claps like a lunatic and continues to do so until he realizes he is all alone at work* Yes people, I had the opportunity to see Vanessa Carlton live last night. I even got to meet her before her show which was pretty cool. She's a very beautiful young lady if I do say so myself. I got an autograph (which I never do) and a picture with her (which I shall post soon... when I do, just ignore her scared look, k?), where I offered my hand in friendship like the ancestors would have done when she came up to me (and she's shorter than she looks), and said, "Hey, Jon Roberts, Red Lake, Minnesota,"... at least that's what I thought I said. For some reason I was nervous as balls. I must have been over taken by her innocent beauty from the very beginning (hey, I sound like a poet or something!) as she was doing her sound check. And I swear to God, during her show, while she was doing her set (that's what we call her list of songs in the bizz), she looked right at me at least 5 times! ME AND VANESSA CARLTON MADE EYE CONTACT! 5 TIMES! SWEAR TO GOD! It looks like Vida Guerra has some competion as the the next Mrs. Jon Roberts Vol. II. She seemed like a pretty normal 20-something year old, swore like any of us would (now that I think about it, I'm on my last year of my 20's!!! WTF!!!). Wow, I'm gettin up there in age, bro. Now I'm depressed. I'm gonna go eat and eat and eat and eat until my bout with reality subsides. Check ya laterrrrrrrrrrr! (yes, I am still the lamest.)

Now Hear This...

"As I walk through the valley of savs, I fear no ego, 'cause I have seen it, heard it, and felt it all before! You build a brotha up just to knock him back down. Naw mean???!!!" I just thought that up right now! Hoh, I'm creative, eh? Not really any meaning behind those words, just something that would be cool to say someday. Don't you think? Hello? Anybody? Well, it looks like it's just me and... uh, me. Oh, man... I'm sitting at work right now (I don't have class 'til 4) and listening to the worst music possible. It's kinda hard to think cool thoughts when "Turn your love around... don't you turn me down," is coming through the RL Gaming speakers. PUT ON SOME MEGADEATH, BRO!!! Or at least something decent. CHEESE AND RICE (this is the way I curse now)! And yes, I am still quite the geek. The super-hottest-sexiest-geek on the REZ! Yeeah, boy-eee! (what would we do without Flavor Flav?) Okay, maybe I've exaggerated a bit (okay, a pantload) when it comes to my sex appeal. But if no one will tell me I am, then I might as well. *Jon to himself in the mirror, "Hey, how U doin' sexy? You are the sexiest thang I have ever seen (with a raised right eyebrow)."* Alright, now this is just a little awkward. Break it up, nothing to see here. Woo! I need a smoke! Cigar anyone (with the raised eyebrow again)? That's what's in my head this fine morning. I'll be back later with thoughts on the day's world. Peace out, homey fresh dawg (I am soooo lame)!

WTF!

As I sat here this afternoon with a handful of kids, I thought out loud to myself, "Pick that up, that's not the garbage! Hey, quit teasing him! Jeez you kids are awful!" Well, maybe those weren't the deepest thoughts, but it kept my mind off the world around us. The day just flew by. The Cubs got pounded in the first game of a doubleheader and I'm being forced to watch Hercules during the second game, but it's still early in the season so we still have time to make up some ground. I cleaned, no wait, I picked up what was left on the ground of my yard to kill some time, took a walk, watched more cartoons, worked on my golf swing, which looks promising this year, and that's about it. A very welcomed drama free day. I look to more of those in the near future. Woo!!!

Normalcy Is On It's Way

What the hell is going on?! Baseball season has kicked off, the NBA season is almost over (though I have watched parts of some games, but not quite a full game, my boycott is semi-successful), I actually watched the final round of the Masters where Tiger was awesome even though he wasn't at his best, and... what else is there? Oh, the movie business has been good to me recently and is only going to get better. At one point this year, I had seen 7 of the 9 movies showing at the theater (sad but true as said by the awesomeness that is Metallica). But by far the best 2 movies I have seen this year ( a tie for 1st place) have to be Million Dollar Baby, 'cause f'n Dirty Harry almost had me crying (DIRTY HARRY OF ALL PEOPLE!!!) and it was an excellent movie, and Sin City. I was stunned while sitting thru this movie. Mickey Rourke had an amazing performance (Oscar nomination, anyone?) he was ruthless, cruel, and cool. Frodo was unbelievable. Who woulda thunk it? Jessica Alba was, well, Jessica Alba. The dialogue was quick, cool, not too deep ( I don't like to think when I pay to see a movie). Boobies and booties! What more can a man ask for in a film. In time, it could take over the top spot on my top ten list. Plus we have Episode III and Batman Begins coming up. I'm such a nerd. But, on with other things in my life... my mind has been clearing lately. Being closer to those that I adore has been a huge comfort. Everything that was hurting my growth as a responsible adult has subsided (check it out, I used big words!) for the time being. It's hard to keep a straight head around this part of the country. You never know who is going to hurt you or turn on you. My biggest problem I've noticed recently is that I try to know what is going to happen in my life months, weeks, days, or even hours down the line. Being that way does keep me out of trouble, but it also raises doubts about the people around me. So I guess that goes back to my trust issues. I'm working on it, man! Is it me, or is Ludacris the worst rapper of all time. I mean, he has some good beats, well, except for the Austin Powers one I'm hearing right now, but it sounds like he's just sitting somewhere giving vague observations of the scene around him. 2pac used to talk about forgiveness, the city he loved and lived in, applauding single mothers, and love, peace and other noble things. Ludacris talks about how he tells people to get out of his way, demanding that people get out of their comfy chairs, and how he hit'em right there in the jaw. What is this world coming to? Whatever, bro.

Woo!!!

I'm back, and no, I haven't relocated... yet. 6 days have passed since my last report from my big fat brain. I'm trying to get back to something that resembles normal so I had few brews, got back to school, bowled a 500 series at the alley, and pretty much accepted all that has come my way. Everything I need and want is back, I just need to light the fire that will take me to a college degree. Hopefully one more year, and that mission will be somewhat accomplished. Of course I expect a $60,000 a year job, a Dodge Magnum, and all of my financial missteps to go away. Whatever, dude. "You put the ooh mow mow, back into my smile child..." Ah yeah, that's old school! I think that's how it goes. Wait, let me check(Jon's listening to the Otis Day and the Knights right now...). Yeah, that's how it goes. Old school, baby! I'll be back!

ON MY CHALLENGE!!!

"By the ancient laws of combat, we've met on this chosen ground to decide good'n all, who holds, blah, blah, blah,", I forgot the rest. But what an awesome line, huh? I bring this up because, 1.) it's an awesome movie, and B.) because I lost my copy of Gangs of New York!!! CHEESE AND RICE!!! So I'm lost without that movie. Plus I lost my Napoleon Dynamite too. Yes, peeps, this is my life. The beautiful weather has been breathtaking. Haven't been able to enjoy it 'cause I have to "work". Yup, yup. But, another baseball season is upon us and this is going to be the year the Cubs make me the happiest, chubby baseball fan in the world! GO CUBS!!! I'm still undecided on my current living situation. Should I stay around here and help rebuild the faith of the people or should I pack up the family and keep them safe? Violence, drugs, alcohol, and stupidity are a universal problem. No matter where I go, I'll see it. The first hurdle to my dilemma is I don't have enough scratch (my new, lame term for money) to relocate. Which is the only problem I have. By the end of the week I will have a clearer picture of where I'm going to go and what I'm going to do. Patience is a virtue (whatever the hell that means). I'm out!!!