Where'd My Summer Go?

Being far from where I want to be while I celebrate my 60th day of sobriety, I continue to KEEP ON TRUCKIN’. I’ve seen many things a lot more clearly, at least I think so anyway, during those 60 days without a “Bud” in my hand. It’s given me a sense of accomplishment, which I’ve been lacking lately. Right now I think I can stay away from drinking for the rest of my life. It’s brought me nothing but trouble, grief, drama, cost me a lot of money among other things. Sure, back when I was a party guy, I had a lot of fun. But there were so many times I shouldn’t have been able to come home. I’ve dodged a lot of bullets over the years and have finally realized that it’s not worth it anymore. Despite popular belief, I still haven’t seen a light! Blah blah blah!

While looking back at the past few weeks and realizing that summer is quickly escaping us and school is a week away, I wonder, where the hell did the summer go? Maybe it would’ve gone by slower if I consumed a little bit of beer. But, it’s too late for that now. When I look back at this summer I’ll remember my little softball team the most, my crowning achievement by far. Even more so than my sobriety! No, we didn’t win very much, but we did have a lot of fun. Throughout the season, there must have been at least 30 kids who came out to play who came out and tried their hardest. But we survived the season and nobody got hurt too seriously. I had my doubts about coaching again next year due to other kids and teams, but I think I would try it again because I had so much fun with this group. Playoffs start Saturday!

I’ve just reread my past few posts and realized that I could use some antidepressants! Well, maybe not that bad. I still stand by what I said and will never change my mind about what happened. Life is going on for me and I’ll leave it at that. But for some reason, I always think that everybody owes me something, either an apology, credit for something I’ve done, praise, acknowledgement… anything! I don’t know why that is. I can’t explain it. I don’t even know what I want. I’m such a weirdo. I’ve also noticed I’m not enjoying this place we call “The Rez.” Every little thing about this place bothers me now. It’s led me to believe that it’s time to move away at any cost. I just don’t like being around here. Maybe it’s me, maybe it is this place, but one thing I do know is that in order for me to get where I want to be, a change is in order. My definite deadline to be out of here is tax season. I’ll have my associate’s degree by then (for sure this time) and should be able to do something big somewhere else. You gotta dream, bro! Wow! I wrote a lot!