Banking Tale

WTF is going on in the world these days? Right now I am drawing a complete blank. But one thing is on my mind on this fine Friday after getting turned down numerous times by a couple of banks the past few days. Yeah, I needed some quick money so instead of robbing them “Heat” style; I thought I would do the noble thing by swallowing my pride and ask some bankers if they could help a brotha out. My first encounter was “Oh, I wish I could, but…” blah, blah, blah! Strike one! The next banker was a little more of an, uh, what’s the word? Rhymes with @$$hole. Oops! It looks like I said a bad word. I’ll remember you, Warren. I just forgot your last name. I knew I didn't stand a chance with this fella. You can tell how some people are with their voice, the way they walk and other little things (I should be a profiler for the government). Guys like that, uptight older European, make me think their lack of help is not due to my past credit history (Jesus forgave everyone’s mistakes! Why can’t you?! Or is that God? Or is it both of them? Either way, forgiveness was involved and I need to brush up on my bible studies.), and more about… well, I don’t ever play the race card, so, never mind. But according to the first banker I talked to, I had an excellent credit score and said I should try other banks, which led me to the dreaded Warren. You’ll rue the day you denied me credit at your fancy money store, Warren! First of all, in meeting with Warren at First Federal, I took the time to meet him over my lunch break. I arrived at First Federal on 5th street, which is about 35 miles from where I work, at 11:57 AM. And I continued to sit there until about 12:34 while he visited with another banker talking about banking stuff, I’m hoping. Then he finally made time for me before his lunch break by allowing me to fill out an application, listen to him ask me questions about my occupation, past credit blemishes, what I needed the loan for and all that good stuff before he could tell me no. That’s not cool, man! After all of that waiting, our meeting was over in 8 minutes. Strike two! Then I went to my usual bank to find out my banker was out. Strike three! Cheese and rice!!! So now I must wait until payday to go see the “Dukes of Hazzard”. Thanks a lot, Warren M.!!! I’ll remember that when I own the old folks home where you’ll be living in 4 years, because I am going to buy as many old folks homes as I can when I get rich… ‘cause I love old people. Why else? (cue evil laugh)