Keepin' Focus

What up G's?! Yes, I am the biggest dork at BSU and RL Gaming and I apologize for that. Anyway, not much really happenin' around these parts lately besides me beating myself up about falling off the wagon. My new streak is at 3 days and counting! Just tryin' to stay positive. It's kind of hard though with all that happens with my family. I just recently lost an aunt (R.I.P Jean Red Eagle), so, it's kind of a difficult time for me to focus again. Over the past few years I have lost a lot of aunts and uncles. It makes me think about how the generation ahead of us are getting up there in age. The hardest thing for me when losing a family member is seeing the rest of the family hurt. I've always been a big boy when we experience a loss, with ice water in my veins. I'm not a very emotional person for some reason. It's one of my faults I suppose. But everyone acts like I can't handle bad news. I'm always the last to know everything. Times like these I start to think about EVERYTHING that has happened to those close to me. Things like how much I miss my sister and my nephews. They shouldn't have moved away from me. I just want them to come back home; how my mom has gone through so much the past few years, losing her older brothers and sisters. Her strength is what I admire the most. I hate going to wakes/funerals, but I enjoy seeing family members I haven't seen in a while. Does that make me a bad person? Or what? Life isn't fair, but we'll get through it I suppose. But I have to get back to where I was last week (focus on the good things, focus on the good things) so I don't end up like before, with all the stress, sleepless nights and panic attacks. So... oh yeah, I have a slight chance of my getting my financial aid back soon, but I'm not counting on it. F'n rules! Whatever. Well, I guess that's all that's going through my big, fat, empty head right now. I'll check you cats on the flip-flop. I have no idea what that means, but it sounds cool, doesn't it? Well, I thought it did. Later.