The Post From Wednesday

092805
1503 Hours

My quest to stay soda free has come to a screeching halt after a long, tough battle of approximately 3 days. I am so weak! “Mercy is for the weak!” That’s old school. “Karate Kid,” baby! At least my alcohol free ways are still going strong (as of today, it’s been exactly 96 days since my last drink). Though the money, school and stress problems still persist, I’ve been enjoying life as much as a broke man can with softball all of the last 6 days. I must add that I’m becoming a pretty decent shortstop, except for the arm strength. That will follow later I’m sure.

I had a quite a few low points yesterday. Of course, I was turned down for another loan (stupid bankers!), which led me to drown in self pity about my perpetual money problems… again. And that led to me looking at everything and trying to pick a fight about the smallest little things. Also, in a moment of sheer boredom, I tested the limits of my intestinal fortitude and decided to eat an M&M off the floor to see if someone would catch me. Nobody did. I felt the ice water in my veins at that point and time. Ah, the things a bored broke man will do to amuse himself at work. “How U Like Me Now?!” What would we do without Kool Moe Dee?

I didn’t play softball last night because I let all of my players that showed up get in some practice. I was the umpire for our game, which by the way was very exciting even though my team lost 30-25. The games last night showed me again how arrogant the youth of the nation can be. It’s always about showboating and humiliating your opponent. Kids these days. I blame the media! But I won’t go into that subject again.

But my Tuesday ended on the highest of high notes. I listened to my 4 year-old daughter Bubba sing herself to sleep with her newly learned song from headstart, “ABC’s (her real name is Jaiden Joleigh, her nickname used to be “Bubble Girl” because she was in one of those bubble box things when she was born, and that was shortened to “Bubbles” which was turned into “Bubba” because her cousin couldn’t say “Bubbles”).

All is well with me if I can end every day like that.
Forgive my moments of weakness.

Breaking News... CANNONBALL!!!

092905
1353 Hours

What to discuss today? I had a post from yesterday but the computers at work went down so I saved it on a disk which I forgot to bring to school today. So I’ll post that one when I get back to my office. It feels like I’m losing all of my basic functioning skills. It’s the stress I tell ya! Yea, I’m back at school today and for the first time since I started school 4 years ago, I’m starting to feel old. Maybe it’s the past 13 months of working in an office that makes me feel like that. Who knows? And you would think working full-time and going to school part-time would relieve some of the money related stress a little bit. Well, it hasn’t. But enough of my money struggles.

As for my Vegas trip, I still have no idea how it’s going to go. All I know so far is the itinerary was turned in and I will eventually have to get on a plane, which I’ve only done once in my life, and that was 12 years ago. So it should be an interesting trip. I just hope I don’t have a “Rain Man” moment when it’s time to board. Who wants to drive me to Vegas?! But I think I can handle a little turbulence. Oh, and that JetBlue footage didn’t help. Way to go, a-holes! Scare the feces out of me, why don’t you?!

I finally took a night off of softball last night to watch “Lost” and there was nothing new to find out! It’s pretty frustrating to be promised something and never have it delivered. Now I know how my bankers feel, I guess. Stupid bankers!

I’m losing my motivation for everything lately. Is there a pill to take to fix that? Or is there something installed in our inner hard drive that needs to be updated every now and then? I could use a shot of motivation right now. It seems like depression is right around the corner for me. But I’ll fight it off until something good happens for me… I always do. NAH MEAN?! I’m such a weirdo it’s starting to frighten me. Maybe I’m one of those weird, twisted geniuses. But in order to be considered a genius, I guess I would have to be smart. DANG! The life of a below average looking, unmotivated, lazy soul. Too bad ladies, this one’s married!

Until my next bout of motivation, I’m out!

Oh, hell no! There’s a Jesse McCartney video on Yahoo! Now I’m really outta here!!! Curse you, Jesse McCartney!!! Curse you to heck!!!

Chicky Check It Out!

After minutes and minutes of trying to figure out how I’m going to plan my trip to Vegas, I realized I really know nothing about the city besides what I’ve seen on CSI and Swingers. So, this could be a very interesting trip. What I know from those resources is you will get caught with a crime if Grissom is working the case, and always, ALWAYS double down on 11. That’s a good enough start for me. I have a few weeks for more research.

Since I have nothing intelligent to contribute to the blog world today, I’ll just offer some thoughts from the mind of a former alcoholic. Hey! I think I might be on to something here. Nah, maybe not. But I do have some stupid things in my head today… well, pretty much everyday. So, on with the thoughts…

• Can somebody tell the Raiders that we were just kidding. We really didn’t want to trade Randy Moss. We were just trying to scare him straight. You can have Harris and whoever else you want. Please?! We were just kidding!!! It was a joke!!! Come on!!!
  
• I think I speak for all Cubs fans when I say, “Wait ‘til next year!” Right, guys? Hello? They must be sleeping or something.
  
• Would I look too much like a tourist if I take disposable cameras with me to Vegas? Maybe I should leave the plaid shorts, white belt, and brown socks at home just in case.
  
• Is it me, or do all of Staind’s songs sound alike?
  
• Since I am no longer a victim of the NBA’s grasp, does anyone know when hockey starts? What? It did already? Maybe I should’ve brushed up on my hockeyness before I jumped in. Go North Stars!
  
• Yes, I am going to ignore every minute of the NBA this season. Every minute I tell you!!!
  
• Is “I WAS IN THE POOL!!!” the greatest excuse of all time or what? God bless you, George Louis Costanza.
  
• And yes, I am probably the last person to jump on the “Family Guy” bandwagon despite constant reminders from friends and my Political Science professor.
  
• Sadly, I found out that this is not baby fat that I’m still carrying around. It turns out one shouldn’t still have baby fat at 29 years old.

And last but not least, as of today, this 24th day of September in the year 2005, I will no longer ingest amounts of the one thing that I crave the most in my life. A crutch I was able to find in the worst of times and help me curb my cravings for it. It is you, soda pop, which I will desert for the rest of my days. No more pop for Jonny R. It is truly a sad day for The Jon. Give me a minute… talk amongst yourselves…

Vegas, Baby... VEGAS!!!

Around the “Rez,” it’s one of those European kind of days. You know, the kind where it’s cloudy, drizzling (and no, I’m not trying to talk like a rapper), and the temperature is low. Maybe it’s just me that thinks Europe is always like that. But back to the matter at hand; the weather outside this morning makes me think of a few things: 1.) I was going to play some softball this afternoon and I’m hoping it clears up a little so I can work on my shortstop skills and: B.) Guess who is taking his first ever (technically, 2nd) trip to Vegas next month?! The Jon is going to Vegas, baby! VEGAS!!! I found out on Wednesday that, barring any unforeseen circumstances, I will be there from October 19-22. This will be my first trip to Vegas since I was 17 years old when I illegally played a slot machine on a layover to Albuquerque, NM way back in 1993. That’s a story for another time though. So I’m sure that the Vegas gambling lords want their illegally obtained $5 back that I won. Being that I’ve been sober for so long, most think that’s when I’m going to fall of the wagon. But, I beg to differ. I’ve gone without the stuff for so long I don’t even want to think about having a drink. The disappointment would be unbearable… to me. I didn’t give up my habit for anyone else. It’s all for me! Besides, after 29 years, 7 months, and 12 days (I’M ALMOST 30!!!) who knows me better than me? As I’m slowly and disappointingly finding out… nobody. Now I’m depressed. VEGAS, BABY!!! VEGAS!!! Now I’m not. I can just imagine how my trip is going to go. Come to think of it, I can’t. I should make up an agenda before I go. Hmm… that’s a brilliant idea. Brilliant! So that’s what I’ll do over my upcoming lunch hour. I’m hungry. All right, man… I’m outta here for now.

I Think I'm Normal Again

As of right now I can’t think of anything funny/witty/clever to say. I don’t think I really ever have before, but still. So many things in the world to dwell on makes me think about how fortunate I am in life… and that takes away my ability to complain. Over the past few days I’ve actually had some pretty deep thoughts about my life, which is pretty scary to me for some reason. I think I might be getting a grip on reality. It’s not that I was going crazy or anything like that, it’s just I can see why my life is the way it is. I'm lazy, allergic to hard work and I’ve lived my life to please or impress others, which hasn’t really gone as planned. That could be the root of my life’s frustrations. I’ve tried to live so people would be proud of me by me doing what everybody else expects of me. (I don’t think that made sense, but I will go on anyway… I’m on a roll!) I’ve slowly stopped living that way recently. It just occurred to me that this wasn’t the way I want to live. The fairytale is over. Real life is setting in and it’s hard to deal with. Bring it on, I say! Or whatever. I’m almost coming to the realization that I might be stuck on this “Rez” for the rest of my life. I’m even considering quitting blogging because I don’t think my writing skills are up to par with other blogs I’ve read. Must… fight… hard! I mean I don’t want to live the rest of my life around here. It’s a very frustrating and depressing place to be. So I have to develop hard working skills to escape. But can I really escape a place like this? God, help me. I really don’t know what I just said, but I think it sounded better in my head. Anyway…

It’s time to get to the important things in life, like sports, TV, pop culture… actually, I think I’m getting sick of the whole concept of pop culture. I mean, some things are all right and others are just ridiculous. For instance; what’s the big fascination with Britney Spears and her crusty/greasy husband?! At the beginning of the millennium she was new, hot, innocent and all that other stuff. Now, the tabloids and gossip have me feeling sick of her. It’s not just her, I’m pretty sure that I’m sick of all celebrities. They wear something stupid and next thing you know, “it’s the must have for this season’s fashion.” (I heard that saying on Napoleon Dynamite.) Stupid celebrities! The only famous people I’ve met in my life have been Road Warrior Hawk, Floyd Red Crow Westerman and of course, the lovely Vanessa Carlton (she looked at me 5 times while she was singing! 5 times!) I was impressed by them all. The reason for my “Alternate Millionaire Universe” story was to show how I would react, socialize, party, harrass, stalk and pretty much mingle with the Hollywood crowd. A “Rez Boy” rubbing elbows with the rich and famous. Who woulda thunk it? I would! I mean, I did! No Hollywood name is safe! So for now, I have some serious writing/bs-ing to do. The story continues soon. All right, man. I'm outta here!

I've Drawn a Blank

Just today I realized that I’m a recovered alcoholic! It’s been 78 days since my last drink. See, those sentences right there prove it. I’ve been mentioning it every chance I get. Wow! I never thought that I would get this far, man. Time to party!!! Oops. Maybe not party. What other forms of celebration don’t involve alcohol? I’ll figure something out.

Now that that’s out of the way, I think it’s time to make up a story. After watching the “Urban Ninja,” I’ve been inspired to be creative. Where was I on my Alternate Millionaire Universe story? Ah, that’s right. I was trying to convince the wife to get ready for Cali…

AltMilUni continued

After making some arrangements to make sure my 3 daughters would be taken care of while I was gone (with school just a couple of days from beginning, I couldn’t let them fall behind… because I’m the awesome-ist father since Ward Cleaver and Chaz Ingalls) and after a short argument between the wife and myself regarding The Jon roaming the streets of L.A. unsupervised, which she easily won because of the whole Brad/Angelina thing, I was ready to leave behind my humble beginnings and perhaps overindulge in the lifestyle of the rich and famous.

Being that I’m from Red Lake, Minnesota, I had to first find somebody who could sponsor my trip to drive 30 miles south to the nearest airport by way of gas money. Times are tough for The Jon, you know. And from there I had to fly to Minneapolis, which is another 200 miles. With those trips being unusually uneventful, I was starting to wonder when the bottom would fall out from under my feet, which in recent years have begun to disappear under my ever expanding midsection.

Along for the trip were Mrs. The Jon and my father, Burton, who has been retired for about the past year and is convinced he had seen every show on the TV and every website known to man since his retirement, thus freeing him up for the trip of my lifetime. Everybody else in my family elected to stay home.

While changing flights in Minneapolis, I received a call from one of the representatives of the production company that arranged for my trip and was informed that someone would be at the airport to escort me around Hollywood until our meeting the next day.

Is it possible to get writers block after a few paragraphs? Well, I can’t think anymore because I'm watching too many videos. But that’s all I have for now. I must go meditate in my "other" office. I’m out!

I am world famous! Yeah, the same Jonny R. that still picks his nose and still shares a laugh at any bout of flatulence. I read an article about the WNBA last week and was asked to respond if I had anything to say, and I did, so I did. No, it wasn’t politically correct, but it was honest. It’s on the Sports Guy’s (ESPN’s Page 2) “More Cowbell” section and under the supporting the column link, between Chris B. of Seattle and Steve of South Porcupine, Ontario and has me as “Jon R., Red Lake, Minn.” Yup, that’s me, baby! So, any moment now I’m expecting numerous offers to share my insight on anything relating to worldly issues. Yup, I’ll be waiting for those offers… yup…many offers should be pouring in any minute now… so, I’ll be very busy! Well, maybe not. But I’ll have more tomorrow. Just thought I’d share my bit of fame with the blog world. I’m out!

My Youth Softball Team 

E-Z Like Sunday Morning

As I sit here admiring the outer beauty of one Jessica Simpson via videos on the web, it made me realize that I really don’t have much time for the things that I would normally do… like blog it up and make up weird stories. DON’T CHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME… oops, sorry. That just slipped out. That song has been in my head now for about 4 days and I don’t know why. Hmm, I wonder… not much to say on this fine Sunday morning, but I do have some thoughts and questions that need to be heard (or seen)…

Is it too late to jump on the Eva Longoria bandwagon? She just passed Vida Guerra on my list of…um, never mind.

When did women’s pants get so low? I’m not complaining, just wondering. My pants have been like that for years (unintentionally of course) and it just doesn’t seem as sexy on me.

Well, maybe not that many thougths and questions. I saw yesterday that the Red Lake Band of Ojibwe (of which I am a very proud member of right now) recently gave $10,000 to the Red Cross for Katrina Relief Efforts. But I’m still going to send some when I get my little check on Thursday. It must be done.

This is my 72nd day of sobriety and not a hint of regret. I must be getting wiser!
Hmmm... I think I should finish my AMU story… but there is another story I started to write yesterday. It’s a contest I noticed on the SGW’s links of the day and it involves anything with Patrick Swayze. It's not that I'm a huge Swayze fan ( a non-fan, really), it would be interesting to make fun of him in a story. So, right now I’m going to work on both stories at the same time and hopefully have something posted today. Maybe they'll intertwine

TO THE BAT CAVE!!!