A Taste

060406
0323 Hours

There is something in there. Trying to embrace a night’s sleep, I was caught not being able to sleep for the first time in weeks. I’m telling ya, there’s something at the tip of my brain waiting to explode and get me out of this rut. Maybe it’s inspiration. Maybe it’s my drive. Maybe it’s gas. Who knows, maybe this is the big turning point in my life. I look at all of the successful people in the world; Bill Gates, Mark Cuban, Howard Stern, Quentin Tarantino and whoever else is doing what they want with their lives and succeeding and I think to myself, “Why not me?” For the past few days it’s been like that. But what do I have that can get me there? If I look back at my academic career, the best grades I received were in my College Writing I and II, Intro to Audio, Sociology thru Film, Intro to Fiction Writing and Elementary Ojibwe I and II. Where does that leave me? Writing, I guess. Creativity is my ticket to getting out of here.

Good lord. I hope this doesn’t wear off.

Here we go!

What I love about life is how forgiving the world is. I’m guilty of being too generous by forgiving those that have wronged me, except one time. That one time is close to pushing me over the edge. What was done is unacceptable. How could it be? The most sacred of all things that heaven has blessed the world with should never experience such an incident. If anyone else were in my shoes… it’s hard to say. Well not really. Not everybody has the ability to think things through, especially around here. I think too far ahead. It keeps me out of trouble most of the time. But I’m a God fearing man, which kept me from feeding off of my emotions. That kept me from being a statistic. Face to face with that which put me in this spot… how long can I stay cool? You push a man far enough, he’s going to show some resistance.

My story begins April 28, 2006. I had a training session in Thief River Falls. Seven Clans employees were supposed to be trained by me in 3 different classes with 25 in each class throughout the day on the finer points of Title 31, or at least what I knew about it. 3 showed up for the first class. These training sessions were mandatory. To be in compliance with the governing body of Indian gaming, these were very important. The next 2 classes a total of 19 showed up. I did my training thing and I went back to the office in Red Lake around noon. I tried, man.

Back at the office, I sat at my computer stand (it didn’t deserve to be called a desk) and stared blankly at the computer screen, not at all interested in the day’s happenings on the World Wide Web. During that moment of reflection, in my mind Johnny Cash was singing “Rusty Cage” while I was typing up my resignation. After I picked it up at the printer, I decided to copy my middle finger on it. I flung it like a boomerang and walked out the door with the song still going. Is there a more perfect way to go out? I doubt it.

But reality set in and I asked my supervisor if he had a minute. I told him I’m ready to move on. He asked what I had in mind, meaning he thought I wanted out of his department. But really, as I explained to him, I was ready to get out of the gaming business. I told him that this was disheartening. I just didn’t feel anything. No accomplishment whatsoever. He told me to finish out the week and I thanked him for all he shared with me. By far one of the smartest men I have ever met.

I called my wife, she didn’t believe me. After a few seconds of disbelief, she understood. It was time for me to move on to different things. Among those things were a run at a political office. 6 weeks before, I decided to run for Little Rock District Representative. Yet again, one of my many “Why not me?” moments occurred on March 17. Really though, why not me? I’m educated, I’m young, I know “What up” with today’s world. I wanted to make clear that the next generation is ready to take responsibility for our nation.

But in the end, it wasn’t meant to be. Despite a successful forum in Minneapolis on my part, and one in the Little Rock community, the “Jonny R. Express” could only muster 23 votes. 23 motherf*****’ votes! But I was inspired by the amount of congratulations I received on my speeches.