Spoken Like A Tortured Sav
061607
1832 Hours
Being where we’re from will make it hard to forgive. We grew up thinking that Theodore Cleaver’s dad, Ward, drank, smoked weed or crack or meth all weekend and came home at the end of Sunday afternoon, if at all, and snaked out on June with Wally, the Beav, Lumpy and Eddie Haskell as witnesses but cleaned it all up when the cameras rolled come Monday. We do after all, come from “The Rez.” It’s all we know. It’s rare that any of us remember taking a drive into the country to go out for a picnic or out on a random fishing trip. What is engrained in our memory are beer cans scattered around the house, cigarette butts and ashes fortunately not having enough light to burn the house down and strange people sleeping on the couch. I believe it was Vanilla Ice who once said, “Will it ever stop? Yo, I don’t know…” For most of us it won’t, even when it’s too late. People will go to jail for doing things they shouldn’t have done, faces and relationships will be shattered over stupidity. Being where we’re from will make it hard to forgive.
Of course, none of this happened to me. It never does. I’m sharing what my “friend” goes through. If it were to have happened on this side, I would say it was my friend anyway. So you will never know… or maybe you already do know. This is the life that was left for me. How do I travel through the rest of life when my vehicle has gone through so much damage already? Am I doomed to repeat the mistakes of those that were meant to guide me? Maybe I’m stuck here to have kids at a young age, dress like the “cool kids” and end up with stupid mistakes that will keep me from being the person I want to be. Looking at the generation ahead of me, is that as far as they’ll go in life? Working 40 hours a week, getting drunk and high all weekend and starting over on Monday morning, struggling paycheck-to-paycheck?
My dad goes to a job he hates 5 times a week. He says its why does what he does on the weekends. It helps him cope he says. My mom does the same. Her reason to do her weekend activities is because my dad does it. There is balance in the force after all.
The tension is so thick come Sunday you can cut it with a knife even though they don’t say a word to each other. Somebody did something they shouldn’t have. My money’s on dear old dad.
If this is the life that is carved out for me, where do I take my name off the list?
Of course, none of this has happened to me. I just sat back one day and wondered what might have gone through the minds of my and other children from Red Lake one day. When I was a kid I had unreal dreams of being a professional baseball player or other ridiculous dreams, but they have more realistic dreams than I had. They are a lot smarter than I was growing up. They know what the fuck is going on. You can’t fool kids these days unlike when I was young and believed in the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus a lot longer than I should have.
I know it’s not just my kids who are thinking this way.
This all came from the thought of me being sober for 2 years this June 24. Not a single drop of alcohol during the last 722 days. “Do you think you’re better than us?” might be most common question out there. “No, you do,” is what the answer would be if it were asked. Well, maybe not better but definitely stronger. Check me out sounding like the scorned chick on Maury who lost 500 lbs and now has a killer bod but still has an ugly mug! (I am now embarrassed that I mentioned Maury.)
Other thoughts since the last blog post:
Yes, I believed Tony was whacked by the Members Only fella.
The dirty beating Michael Barrett got from “Big Z” turned the season around. This is the year!
Yeah, I’m private now on MySpace due to the spambots. And yeah, I deleted the “Jonny2Beers” account. It was like a cute little shit-hound, once it started getting older, I ignored it too much so I got rid of it.
Speaking of MySpace, I’m on the verge of ditching it altogether. The only reason I do it was because I needed another place to share the stories I had and Blogger wasn’t enough for me. Since YouTube has video uploading I can use, that’s where mine will go from now on. All of that of course will not matter once I get 94warriors.com up and rolling. So soon I will bid all 164 MySpace friends adieu. When? I don’t know. Too many of the friends are too needy. They have to have attention everyday by wanting you to post a message or they’ll send you to MySpace purgatory and delete off their friends list. NO, NOT THAT!!!
I’m there to share, baby… my words, my thoughts, my videos. Not pat your bottom and tell you that you’re special and the best MySpacer ever! But some of you are.
The return to Blogger is imminent. Along with more words of doom!
Aloha.
Good lord! That was 918 words! Okay, now 927!
1832 Hours
Being where we’re from will make it hard to forgive. We grew up thinking that Theodore Cleaver’s dad, Ward, drank, smoked weed or crack or meth all weekend and came home at the end of Sunday afternoon, if at all, and snaked out on June with Wally, the Beav, Lumpy and Eddie Haskell as witnesses but cleaned it all up when the cameras rolled come Monday. We do after all, come from “The Rez.” It’s all we know. It’s rare that any of us remember taking a drive into the country to go out for a picnic or out on a random fishing trip. What is engrained in our memory are beer cans scattered around the house, cigarette butts and ashes fortunately not having enough light to burn the house down and strange people sleeping on the couch. I believe it was Vanilla Ice who once said, “Will it ever stop? Yo, I don’t know…” For most of us it won’t, even when it’s too late. People will go to jail for doing things they shouldn’t have done, faces and relationships will be shattered over stupidity. Being where we’re from will make it hard to forgive.
Of course, none of this happened to me. It never does. I’m sharing what my “friend” goes through. If it were to have happened on this side, I would say it was my friend anyway. So you will never know… or maybe you already do know. This is the life that was left for me. How do I travel through the rest of life when my vehicle has gone through so much damage already? Am I doomed to repeat the mistakes of those that were meant to guide me? Maybe I’m stuck here to have kids at a young age, dress like the “cool kids” and end up with stupid mistakes that will keep me from being the person I want to be. Looking at the generation ahead of me, is that as far as they’ll go in life? Working 40 hours a week, getting drunk and high all weekend and starting over on Monday morning, struggling paycheck-to-paycheck?
My dad goes to a job he hates 5 times a week. He says its why does what he does on the weekends. It helps him cope he says. My mom does the same. Her reason to do her weekend activities is because my dad does it. There is balance in the force after all.
The tension is so thick come Sunday you can cut it with a knife even though they don’t say a word to each other. Somebody did something they shouldn’t have. My money’s on dear old dad.
If this is the life that is carved out for me, where do I take my name off the list?
Of course, none of this has happened to me. I just sat back one day and wondered what might have gone through the minds of my and other children from Red Lake one day. When I was a kid I had unreal dreams of being a professional baseball player or other ridiculous dreams, but they have more realistic dreams than I had. They are a lot smarter than I was growing up. They know what the fuck is going on. You can’t fool kids these days unlike when I was young and believed in the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus a lot longer than I should have.
I know it’s not just my kids who are thinking this way.
This all came from the thought of me being sober for 2 years this June 24. Not a single drop of alcohol during the last 722 days. “Do you think you’re better than us?” might be most common question out there. “No, you do,” is what the answer would be if it were asked. Well, maybe not better but definitely stronger. Check me out sounding like the scorned chick on Maury who lost 500 lbs and now has a killer bod but still has an ugly mug! (I am now embarrassed that I mentioned Maury.)
Other thoughts since the last blog post:
Yes, I believed Tony was whacked by the Members Only fella.
The dirty beating Michael Barrett got from “Big Z” turned the season around. This is the year!
Yeah, I’m private now on MySpace due to the spambots. And yeah, I deleted the “Jonny2Beers” account. It was like a cute little shit-hound, once it started getting older, I ignored it too much so I got rid of it.
Speaking of MySpace, I’m on the verge of ditching it altogether. The only reason I do it was because I needed another place to share the stories I had and Blogger wasn’t enough for me. Since YouTube has video uploading I can use, that’s where mine will go from now on. All of that of course will not matter once I get 94warriors.com up and rolling. So soon I will bid all 164 MySpace friends adieu. When? I don’t know. Too many of the friends are too needy. They have to have attention everyday by wanting you to post a message or they’ll send you to MySpace purgatory and delete off their friends list. NO, NOT THAT!!!
I’m there to share, baby… my words, my thoughts, my videos. Not pat your bottom and tell you that you’re special and the best MySpacer ever! But some of you are.
The return to Blogger is imminent. Along with more words of doom!
Aloha.
Good lord! That was 918 words! Okay, now 927!
posted by Jonny R. at 9:21 PM
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