Operation: Winter Fur

103006
2215 Hours

We are days away from the start of my own business. I figured I would have been up and running by now, but technology has hindered my progress. My camera had to be ordered from the company factory; my computer was still being built and should be done by Nov. 1. But other than that, I’m ready. The ideas have been coming to me at a rapid rate, such as doing Warrior highlights this upcoming basketball season. I just need an anchor. But as of right now I’m ready to go. Come on equipment!

Thoughts on this fine, snowy evening:

Speaking of snow, it’s time to put on the “Winter Fur.” But how much?

Does anyone else say, “Hader in the house!” when Bill Hader is introduced during the opening credits of “Saturday Night Live?”

If I had been elected to the tribal council in May, another law I would’ve introduced would have been “… anyone with gray hair is no longer allowed to use hip-hop language. You must act your age and come to the realization that your time has passed. Unless you’re Russell Simmons, Dr. Dre, MC Hammer, Kool Moe Dee or any other hip-hop pioneer, your use of the lingo is now revoked.” How awesome of a Little Rock Representative would I have been? And yet another law would be that every person named Mike would be known as “Rockin’ the Mike.” Under the previous law, being that I don’t have gray hair yet, by that law, I would be able to use the hip-hop language for this purpose. Why? Because it’s my law, dammit!!! Of course that law would have went along with the banning of all male colognes/body sprays and anyone over the age of 12 (formerly 17) is no longer to wear a sports jersey because the only reason to wear another dude’s jersey is if he’s taking you to the homecoming dance. Right? Amen.

By the way, the Vikings are losing by 27 and there’s been a Brooks Bollinger sighting at the Dome. You’ll never be Tommy Kramer, Bollinger! Never!!! How dare you take #9!!!

A-Rod’s coming to the Cubs. I guarantee it. I’ll be your buddy, A-Rod and we shall be champions together.

The wife is watching TLC’s “Little People, Big World” and I would be the Wilt Chamberlain of their Dwarf Athletic Association. You know it! LET IT RAIN!!!

Speaking of let it rain; how could PSH’s “Sandy Lyle” be ignored. “The Sharter” deserves your respect! Bow your heads! This is also why I don’t play basketball anymore. “My legs are burning!”

Yet another character in the “Jonny R. Character Hall of Fame:” Ladies and gentlemen… HOWIE!!!

And I know some of you “Hulk-a-Manics” remember this song. Quite possibly the greatest entry music ever.

Aloha.

Back From the 'Cloud!

102406
2150 Hours

Yet again, my ascent into multi-millionaire status will be delayed. Not due to effort like normal, but due to technology. It seems my “MacBook” is still being assembled as we speak (or type.) I ordered it 2 weeks ago and they said it should be in within 10 days (again.) So I return to work for a few more weeks. How do I figure “multi-millionaire status?” I don’t know, it just sounds cooler than “entrepreneur-ness,” which is a word I made up about 9:55 p.m. So if any of you companies want some training/orientation videos or you aspiring rappers want a “super-funky-dope-mad-fresh” video for your “MySpace” page, you all are going to have to wait a few more days. The studio shall open in time. STUPID BSU MAC STORE!!!

As you may or may not know, I just returned from a training session in St. Cloud and have been out of the loop. I have no idea of what’s going on in the world right now. But one thing I was unable to escape were the millions (… and millions) of election season signs all along the highway heading south. All I know about this election season is that my main man Lee Hawk was denied in his bid as County Recorder. Why was Lee Hawk my main man? Do I know him personally? No, of course not. But I do remember one of his campaign deals in the “Bemidji Pioneer” once and that sumbi*** looked like he meant business! It looked like he could record Beltrami County’s business like nobody’s… uh, business. But that’s just me. You had my vote, buddy! By the way; what the hell is a county recorder? Does the current county recorder sit in meetings with his tape recorder and… record? I think someone just made that job up for a family member.

And for sheriff? I don’t know, man. I don’t think you can trust a sheriff that is not endowed in the way of the mustachio. Isn’t that what being a sheriff is all about, having a big, thick red or brown mustache to chase down perpetrators of this fine county’s written laws? And big mirror sunglasses? I think it would be pretty cool if we had a Buford T. Justice or a Roscoe P. Coltrane for Beltrami County. Who’s with me?! Fine!

I don’t know, bro. When next year comes around, I should have at least one movie made by then. After that, there are a few more ideas I have I’m going to toy with. Stupid “Borat” stole my movie idea! But it looks pretty good, no? Not as good as “The Departed” though. That movie was by far the best movie I have seen in years. Nicholson was awesome and deserves a best actor nomination. And I’m going to go out on a limb here (like I did for Mickey Rourke for his portrayal of “Marv” in “Sin City” last year) and say “Don’t Call Me Marky” Mark Wahlberg for best supporting actor. If you’ve seen the movie, you know what I mean. Of course, this is the year Martin Scorsese finally gets his.

Battle!

101406
1754 Hours

Do you feel the racial tension in the air? This morning’s “Bemidji Pioneer” has once again stirred up controversy in regards to our lake. Who owns it, the state or the Red Lake Band of Ojibwe? This is going to get interesting. It looks like I might have to invest in a rifle so we can all stand at the shores to keep the white folk out. I knew there were some out there that couldn’t stand their “neighbors to the north.” Notice all of the cheap shots thrown out there. This going to be an interesting election season. Two in one year! And yes, that was me, Lydell R. who quoted “Dazed and Confused.” Again. So suck on that!

Well, it looks like I’m on my way to my own business venture. The computer and camera were ordered on Thursday and should hopefully be here by the end of next week. Then I’ll get to know the system over next weekend and be up and running a few days later. Of course there will be money to be made, but doing something that you love for a living (since playing for the Cubs is no longer an option) is, I’m assuming, indescribable. Maybe even fun. Can you imagine a company run by me?! Two days a week we could have Hawaiian shirt day, or Formal Friday (tuxes only, ladies too). We could start the day with a “Bluto” Pearl Harbor speech when times are tough or something of that nature. Now I can’t wait! So if it gets to where I could use a little help, I’ll be hiring. I know that I’m going to need some extras for a few productions. That will be posted when needed I suppose. After I get the big money projects finished I’ll then get to some pet projects I’ve had in my head the past 7 years. So it looks like I’m really on my way. It’s all up to me now.

And I’m spent.

The Next Mr. Roberts

The Crawl Space

100806
2327 Hours

It looks like I overestimated the ETA of my bizz. I expected to have my equipment by the end of last week and get to know it over the weekend, but things come up, so… this week the ball should be rolling. I’ll order the stuff this week, give ‘er a few days for the delivery of the stuff and we should be rolling by the end of next week. “94 Warriors Studios” will be up and running within the next few weeks.

Is anyone else getting this “Ghetto” vibe around here? I mean, I’m scared to leave the house after dark. Then when I do, I’m scared to leave the family home alone even though it’s just to the store and back. At least it’s getting some attention for once. Is it too late for us? I know if I had the money, I would get the hell out of here as fast as I can. Honestly, what is there around here to be proud of lately? All the negativity gets the headlines and those that are doing something positive with their lives; they get swept under the rug. They say it can only get worse before it gets better. Isn’t that scary? I sure hope the Chairman and the rest of the council can do something before it gets too late to act. So far, most of the council has been pretty quiet, nobody really stands out. I don’t know what I’m expecting of our elected leaders. Maybe it’s someone who will command the attention of the world and have them eating out of their hand. Isn’t that what should be expected of a great leader? Maybe I watch too many movies. Houses being broken in to, crackheads seeing taking a hit in driveways for everyone to see, drunks everywhere… our leaders have quite the task in front of them. Good luck to us.

Good lord, that was depressing. Come to think of it, how do I know what the “Ghetto” would be like? It just seems like that’s what it would be like. Again, too many movies for the fat kid. At least the Vikings won today. A win’s a win!

How awesome is this? Bill Hader did an awesome Pacino last season and that was the last of it. It’s about time. “Where I come from, you keep 20 in your sock and the rest under the tarp in your crawl space!” Words to live by.

With Monday coming up, it’s time for “Heros.” I promised not get involved with anymore shows to due the lack of time I have for the ones I’m watching now, but this is a pretty good show. I suppose this goes back to the childhood and wanting to be a superhero. Another good new show is “Friday Night Lights.” That was surprising. I know you weren’t saying “Suggest away, Jonny R…. what’s up?!” but I thought I would just share TV tips.

Remember: “94 Warriors Studios” coming soon. You’ve been warned.