Chapter 1.525

021906
2053 Hours
Chapter I (?)

On February 12, 1976 around 6:00 am, a creature to be named Lydell Jon Roberts was brought into this pile of dirt known as Earth. Weighing in at 7 lbs and 7 oz. he began is ascent to superstardom. As to which field this superstardom would take place, as of 30 years later, it is still unknown and a prophecy yet unfulfilled. As far as he knew, the first place he would call home would be the projects on the Southside of Minneapolis, Minnesota. Rest assured a breeding ground for the future leaders of the Native American community. On this land he would become softened by the constant nurturing of the female species. They would not let him get hurt or out of their sight. But in the end he would learn a valuable lesson; respect the ladies, a lesson that could take him far in life if used for good and not evil.

Dang! That was cool. Well, to me it was anyway. Yeah, I was born in the Twin Cities and lived there until I was 3 years old. Not much about those years have stuck in my head. I wonder if, psychologically, I intentionally left some memories out due to them being something I wouldn’t want to remember. Nah, it was the ‘70s, man! We were groovin’ to Bob Seger, the Steve Miller Band, and Fleetwood Mac, going to Mr. Arthur’s, kicking some ass and having a good ol’ time! Those were the days, bro! Wait! I was just a kid. Ok, maybe I wasn’t hanging in, but it sure seemed like a good time from my mom’s point of view. Back then, it was just me and my mom. My dad would come around often and it was cool with me because that’s all I knew. My 2 sisters were up north with my grandparents, so I was pretty spoiled, over nurtured you could say. But what mom doesn’t spoil her baby, right?

A few memories I took from living down south (Minneapolis) were with my Uncle Joe. He was the man. He and my Grandpa Shorty made me proud to be a Roberts later on in life. But it was thru him I was able to relive most of my life outside the “Rez.” Every time I was lucky enough to get a young lady’s attention at school for her to come over and visit, he loved to tell the story of the when he came to pick me up to take me to Red Lake. The way he told it was we were sitting in a restaurant waiting for our food when he and his friend “Big” Bob asked me if I had to use the bathroom. Being just old enough to talk and not yet having a filter for the words that came out of my mouth, I yelled out, “Uncle Joe, I gotta take a shit!” It was just loud enough for the whole joint to hear and thus being a story every girlfriend he met of mine had to hear. You got to love Uncle Joe. Those fortunate enough to know him, did.

Another time he came to get me, we were exiting an ice cream place and I noticed a shiny, white car with a silver toy on the hood of it. Being the curious cat I was, I tried to take it off to no avail. While trying to take it off, a large African-American male dressed in a bright red suit and a large hat with a feather on it inside was pounding on the window. Uncle Joe, never known to back down from anything, stared him down. Uncle Joe won of course. As we were getting into the car, Uncle Joe asked, “What’s the matter with you? You coulda got us killed!”

The finely dressed man could be heard saying, “Kids. Did you see that little sucka messin’ wit my ride?! Injin kid wit his crooked hat and saggy pants. Hey, man. That looked pretty cool. I’ma start wearin’ my ball cap crooked and pants saggin’.”,thus backing up my claim that I started that trend, though nobody gives me credit.

TO BE CONTIUED…

The Worst Story Ever Told

021906
1830 Hours

What more can be said about where I grew up that hasn’t already been said in the media? Yes, we are poor. Of course we suffer from alcohol and drug addictions. There’s nothing for the youth to do and most of us adults aren’t the best role models. It sounds and looks like Red Lake is becoming more and more like an urban area. Those that have gang aspirations can be seen at every turn with their hip-hop attire. One could laugh in their face, but it isn’t known of how far they are willing to go to make sure their “Rep” isn’t tarnished, so that’s probably not the best idea. Myself, I wear saggy pants because I have no butt muscles to hold up my tight jeans. I wear my hat crooked because I have a weirdly shaped head and have been wearing it that way since I was a kid. So I am not one of the wanna-be’s that roam the mean streets of Red Lake. I’m just a regular citizen who goes to work to feed his family and stays clear of all trouble (I try to anyway).

The past 8 months have been a learning tool for me. In those 8 months I have been alcohol free. That is by far the longest that I have gone without drinking in my adult life. Though I’ve gained quite a bit of weight, I have also gained a more clear perspective on life. Years of alcohol abuse kept me from being the responsible person I was supposed to be. Becoming a father at the tender age of 19 and not realizing how important my role is until 10 years later has me feeling… I’m not sure. Maybe shame and humiliation are the words that best describe what I’ve felt. I know it will be impossible to make up for those 10 years but the rest of my life will be spent doing just that. I owe it to my family.

Getting to a certain magic number of years in life left me feeling a little hollow, “Money makes the world go ‘round,” was what I always thought. When I was 15, I swore to myself that I would be a millionaire by the age of 30. Seven days and my many Powerball dreams dashed passed my 30th birthday; it is only now that I realized success in life just isn’t going to be handed to me like I’ve seen in the movies. You have to work your ass off. I once heard, “Half of life is just showing up.” I took that thought to heart not realizing there would be a lot of work to do after you show up. Stupid Woody Allen!

Recently, I’ve took an interest in the return of Dave Chappelle. His “Block Party” had me thinking more and more about that ridiculous Powerball drawing. I would’ve loved to do something like that for RL had I won (stupid Nebraska people!!!) With the winnings I would’ve invested in homes for RL residents, improved the youth programs, sent RL students to college (as well as myself finishing school), built businesses that could succeed with RL employees so we wouldn’t have to rely on the government for anything. Maybe next time, I guess.

With that out of the way, is the life that I’ve led the past 30 years, 7 days, and 11 hours worth sharing with the world? Probably not, but I’m going to force this on you like itch on a crackhead needing a hit! Oh, man. That was terrible. In the words of Larry the Cable Guy, I apologize, Lord. The Book of Jon is about to begin. Or do I need a new title since that TV show used “The Book…” as a title. We’ll talk about it when it’s done I suppose. Wait, how is this going to work? How does one go about posting a book online? I tried it before and it didn’t work out as well as planned. What the hell! A page at a time will do. Rock and roll! I have to go eat first, then I’ll start chapter 1. Or is this chapter 1 already? I have so much to learn about the book industry.

How U doin'? 

It's still kind of a muscle. Jealous?! 

I know that's not the Foo Fighters' Best of You. That video just popped up when I clicked on Best of You. I thought it was a pretty cool song. Anybody know who that is and what the name of the song is? Or what? I'm too lazy to research.

How Do You Do?

020306
1412 Hours

Fiiiiiiiinally! The Jon HAS come back… to Blogger (minutes of thunderous applause).

Who else misses late ‘90s wrestling?

Woo! I finally have a few hours to spare for some useless words to further dumbify the blogworld and bore the masses. It’s good to be back, thank you. (This feels like an opening monologue of a late night talk show, but without humor.) Over the past few weeks I’ve been working, actually. Going to and from up north regularly. Over 200 miles round trip so I’ve had a lot of time to think about how I’m going to take over the world. Just me and my old friend Johnny Cash since my computer at home is down and my station at work has to be limited to business items, I had to break down and buy some compact discs (that’s what we listened to before downloading music on the internet, kids… ask your parents) I’ve been unable to keep the ipod in the shape it’s supposed to be in. So I’ve leaned about 3 full J. Cash songs in my latest journeys.

HEY PORTER, HEY PORTER…

With my abandoning of my blog lately, I seriously considered retiring as a blogger. I haven’t really had much time for it, nothing but work and school… and TV of course. But now I’m back, entertaining only myself it looks like. Gawdam the counter was a bad idea! Only over 200 visits. Not good for my self esteem at all. We’ll see if we can get that to improve… well, I will anyway. Come to think of it, I don’t want anybody to read what I say. I don’t know why, I just don’t. Being from where I am, there are a lot of people that like to bring others down, crushing the spirits of many Red Lakers. That’s just the way it is around here, but we live with it. But no longer! As God as my witness (or is it “With God…), we will no longer stay silent to steer clear of ridicule brought on by our own people! We will say whatever the f*** we want and people respect our opinions from now on! Or something like that.

Right now with Mary J. Blige in my ear, one of my favorite singers of all-time by the way, which I forgot to put on my profile (sorry MJB), I realize how much of a dreamer/weirdo/stalker I must’ve seemed like with my Globes story. I was bored. What’s a bro supposed to do with free time? Nah mean?!

I thought I should just get a few words in because the RLNN Forum made me want to get out my red pen and correct almost every post on there and I didn’t want to criticize everybody’s writing skills, therefore contradicting my previous rambling about bringing others down, thus sounding like a politician. Maybe there’s a little political savvy inside this big head of mine! Jonny R. in ’06! Chairman? Secretary? Treasurer? Representative? Nah, that sounds like a lot of work. Maybe I’ll just stick to blogging. Time for a smoke! Wait, I don’t smoke. Time to surf for boobies… uh, I mean research… uh, ‘cause I’m a business type of guy. I’m outta here for now. Rock and roll!